One Gate

Putting the "Social" back in "Social Media"

Davis broker associate Carolyn Gjerde-Tu of Open Homes in Davis is a new social media convert and a vocal one; she recently posted a sort of tutorial on Facebook and Twitter for new users. While explaining how to go about using social media for professional purposes, she makes a very true statement: "don’t feel obligated to friend every acquaintance". This struck a chord with me, and it highlights how social media is changing from its roots.

When I first joined Facebook (about six months after it started up, when it opened to non-Harvard students), I friended pretty much everyone I could think of. I friended the current friends I had, then I looked at their friend lists and started friending people I knew in high school, even the ones I had barely talked to and who might not recognize me. After I'd been on it a while, I started friending acquaintances, people I'd had one class with three quarters before, friends of friends of friends I’d said hello to at a shindig the night before. I was friending absolutely everyone I knew, but I wasn't keeping in touch with them.

The tide turned for me when someone I'd met at a party friended me that night, even though we'd barely spoken two words to each other. That made me stop and think, what am I using this for? After that I became much more discerning about who I friended.

Like me, many of the users who joined Facebook at the very beginning were obsessed with how many friends they had. Facebook was the ultimate popularity contest. There was even a term for the most-friended UC Davis users on DavisWiki: The Varsity Facebook team. Facebook had become a sport, and the most popular people were the captain of the football team and the head cheerleader. But after a while, a backlash started to build. Who cares how many connections you have on Facebook, people whispered. It’s not like you actually know them all. And the more popular people started to realize it wasn’t more fun to have more friends; having so many "connections" didn’t offer deeper relationships, it just caused more clutter. And so it began. Facebook started evolving into what it was meant for in the first place: not a popularity contest, but an online community for friends to connect and keep in touch.

Facebook is about relationships, not numbers. Newer Facebook users seem to grasp this concept much more quickly. They tend to have fewer friends at the beginning, and they build up their friendships slowly. Carolyn’s advice not to “feel obligated to friend every acquaintance" is how the latest members are exploring Facebook. They’re taking their time and treating it as the community it is and was meant to be.

The same advice is true for Twitter, and really for any other form of social media. It's not about how many followers you have; it's about the quality of the relationships. As users evolve away from popularity contests and move towards forming community bonds, we put the “social” back in social media. And it can be a very good thing.

OneGate is on Twitter as @OneGate and on Facebook with a page and a group. Join our online community!

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Carolyn Gjerde-Tu | Email | February 28, 2009 | 12:00PM: Thanks. I think there are still plenty of people concerned with collecting friends and it is kind of interesting to friend people from your past just to see what they are up to. I feel like such a friend snob sometimes, I turn down a good number of friend requests I get on facebook while other times I do go out of my way to make a connection. Social networking shouldn't be a popularity contest but about connections.
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Putting the "Social" back in "Social Media"

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